Pathetic

The only thing more pathetic than Jeff's effort in this competition is Al's attempt to manage the blog. Let's go Albano. With all the running and starvation I've been doing, I barely have time for vomiting and laxatives. You can't expect me to do it all.

-RP

Poor Judgement

I woke up this morning feeling great.  I felt thin, limber, sprightly.  My weight was at a 5-month low of 170.0 lbs.  I was making mincemeat of my adversaries in this competition...that is, if you can call that fat slob Oestreicher much of an adversary.  I now believe he's entered this competition solely to boost my self-esteem.  Damn that guy is an embarrassment, but I'm glad he and his 2lbs weight gain are still around.

All I had to do was continue on my 175-calorie/day diet of celery sticks and nonfat ranch dressing and I would have been sitting pretty in the 160s come Saturday morning.  But could I resist?  The problem is that my fiancee Caroline can't buy the crap cereal, she's got to buy the good stuff made with honey-sweetened seven-grain clusters, sliced almonds, and whole flax seeds.  It's also naturally sweetened with honey and cinammon.  Yep, I'm talking about Kashi GOLEAN Crunch with Honey Almond Flax.  I ate 10 servings today...along with a full liter of milk.  This is called AF, not atrial fibrillation for any physicians in the audience but Albano Frenzy.  It classically occurs about once every 2-3 weeks.

I'm not looking forward to tipping the scales tomorrow but I will somehow persevere through this time of personal defeat.

New Day (and Bark Hotdogs)

Later today we will release an official FFF-sanctioned video revealing my weight to be a precise 104.0 lbs. Nurse Trisha, the official FFF Nurse, can be seen in the video overseeing the weigh-in. Al albano is the most dishonest, fattest person I know. That's neither here nor there.

The OR (Oestreicher Rampage) begins today. It was supposed to begin yesterday but I had one more set of yankee tickets last night, the good seats. The guest chef was Bark Hotdogs from Brooklyn, and while this is decidedly not a food blog, everyone should go to Bark and try the NYC Dog (sweet & sour onions, mustard) and the Bark Dog (sweet pepper relish , mustard & onion).

Today: Food shopping, 35 min treadmill (6.5mph, 1.5% incline), 30 minutes free weights (shoulders, back). Huge.

Oestreicher Under Review

A sub-committee will convene later this week to address concerns of foul play on the part of contestant Oestreicher.  Well known for prior acts of trickery, Oestreicher requested today that his starting weight be increased to 204.2lbs.  Conveniently this request comes after stuffing his fat face full of crab cakes at a Yankees game.  On the morning of June 13, Oestreicher provided photo evidence of his weight at 201.6lbs.  Photo editing software has confirmed the scales used in both these weigh-ins to be identical.  Are we to fall for this chicanery???  I am requesting that all followers of this blog take note and adjust your voting accordingly.  The final decision of the regulatory sub-committee is pending.

so maybe i'm fat.

perhaps i am a fat man with late-stage MPB (male pattern baldness). but today everything changes, starting tomorrow. only because i went to a yankee game tonight, the good seats where all the food is already paid for. my last meal went something like crabcakes --> soft shell crab tempura --> filet mignon --> hazelnut gelato --> crab cakes. i was offered a carl's cheesesteak in the bottom 7, but i declined, on account of willpower. so tomorrow starts my rampage. god damn i will look good in my svelte summer suit come july 9. stay tuned for details about my drago-inspired training...

Hit It Pretty Hard Today

Albano with a quick start out of the gate.  It's my Shock & Awe campaign to intimidate my competitors.

Total caloric consumption: 380 calories (1 coffee, 1 thai chicken salad).  I also did 100 push-ups and ran 4 miles.  The pace was slow (9mins/mile) but better than what I would have done one month ago- which was sit on my ass, work on a presentation that nobody cares about, and eat three hot pockets.

Revitalization is underway!

Let The Games Begin

So there's nothing novel here, just four good friends looking to slash a couple points off their respective BMIs in preparation for a nice summer wedding in The Berkshires.  This competition will run for just under 4 weeks.

Here are the simple rules of engagement:
(1) The competition shall run from June 13 - July 8 2011.
(2) All competitors must lose 10lbs during the specified interval to be deemed "winners."  The competitor who achieves the greatest weight loss (as determined by percentage of weight lost) will be treated to a dinner at the restaurant of their choice. 
(3) All competitors who fail to lose 10lbs during the specified interval will be deemed "losers."  Losers must compete in an intense agility challenge that involves suicide sprints and beer chugging.  This is a proprietary event that is patent pending; the details of which are therefore not appropriate for further disclosure.

A brief introduction to the competitors:

Albano: Born to eat.  At age 8 he could polish off a two-person zuppa de pesce and still have room to pack away a loaf of bread, bananas foster, and 4 breath mints.  In high school he wore a sign in the lunchroom that read "garbage disposal" and routinely ate the equivalent of five lunches.  His greatest work came in college when he theoretically consumed a Tony's chicken parm sub and baked ziti with meatballs in one sitting.  Some claim this defining moment never occurred.

Oestreicher: Has more body hair than a young chimpanzee which effectively shields most adipose stores, but requires weight loss for "summer suit" purchase.  Since recent weight gain, Oestreicher has been prone to frequent sports-related injury.  A self-proclaimed master of squash, Oestreicher recently lost big to Albano in a one-sided mismatch that left him bruised and battered in a Boston ER.  His excuse: "I'm fat."

Allen: A poster child of gluttony and self-indulgence, Allen views dieting as a direct obstacle to the pleasures of life.  Allen's gastrointestinal tract appears never-ending, similar in some respects to the Great Wall of China.  In this competition he reigns king in terms of daily calories consumed, daily calories consumed from alcohol, and daily calories consumed from fat.  At a recent BBQ festival in manhattan, Allen plowed away 14 ribs and 3 pulled pork sandwiches only to later be chagrin that he didn't have enough time to wait in line for fried pie.

Pollak: Has suffered a lifetime of abuse and criticism for being overweight, mostly at the hands of an unnamed Indian acquaintance.  Tired of being called "Rob the Blob," he has undergone a recent full body transformation and now runs marathons and trains on a regular basis.  Further weight reductions may prove difficult for this chiseled foe, but if anyone in this competition can do it, Pollak certainly can.